Why?: On Resentment
Why?
Why didn’t you believe me?
Why was I always instantly deemed
The antithesis of familial harmony?
Why?
Why were her worlds valued more?
Was it because you loved me less
Or because you loved her more?
Why?
Why was I always the one who had to forgive?
Why were her wrongdoings
Even those that subjected me to years
Years of physical and mental abuse
So quickly erased and forgotten
While I still had to live with all the scars
Seared into my flesh
Why was she never subjected to that same pain?
Why?
Why is this just some funny joke now for you to tell?
Can you not see that your other child put me through hell?
Why did I have to wait until I was a man
To even get one apology?
Did you never even wonder
About the damage that you had inflicted on me
Did you never realize
That I would find it hard to trust
When my truths though spoken
Were never good enough
Did you never see her taunt
Or laugh in my face
While I struggled to control my tears of disgrace?
Why?
Why was your princess always believed over me?
I often wondered if I was a girl
Would you have had the same faith in me
So I tried to be perfect
And shine where I knew she’d fail
Because maybe the next time she lied
You’d think twice about her tale
I’m not saying I was a perfect child
There were lessons I needed to learn
But I had to learn her’s too
And that’s why there’s a hunger in me that still burns
Because the greatest lesson I got out of all of this
Is people cannot be trusted
Never let them fully in
For they will find a way to pick apart your carcass
They’ll take what little you have left in you
Then they’ll burn the memories into your flesh
Don’t trust people,
They’ll beat you near death.
Why?
Why as a man can I not let go?
Perhaps its because I’m trapped in nature’s duality
For out of duty I love her
She’s my earliest memory
But my soul aches for vengeance
I want her to suffer unyieldingly
So perhaps its wrong
But sometimes when I hear of how she’s failed
Or how she brings you more pain
Greater than any of you took out on my tail
I feel it’s karma getting you all back
For never once believing me
And helping my soul turn black.
It’s why I can flip a switch
Become cold and calculating
It’s why no one will ever see
Beyond a mask of who I choose to be.
